If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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