It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
