day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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