I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
should my penis look like a turkey
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
