sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
