I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
