So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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