dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
