my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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