Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
