I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize