just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
