..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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