she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
