I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is classic penis vs brain.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
