its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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