You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
