Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
