So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
