If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
