FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
