Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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