KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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