someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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