Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
