The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she peed on how many people?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
