After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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