i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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