planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
