I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
