Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
