Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
