jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize