Swine flu. Run for my life!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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