wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
