You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
