Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
