You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
