Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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