I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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