The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
