I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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