shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Terrible idea I love it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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