I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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