It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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