You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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