Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
