I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
