There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
