too bad you live with your parents still
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
