Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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