Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
