My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
