Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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