the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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