Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
