I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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