I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
