Joe is yelling at the trees again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
