I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
