I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
