i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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