Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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