We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
