What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
