Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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