I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
