Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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