Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
