u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
