I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
