i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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