O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize