all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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