You don't have asthma, your pregnant
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
