i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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